Vacation Guilt: Why Taking Time Off Feels So Uncomfortable by Alyssa Melvin, MA, LPC
It’s that time of year again when the weather is warm, school is out, and PTO has accrued. Despite “earning” the time off, many people struggle with feelings of guilt and unease when taking a break from work. So much so, that this discomfort often follows them on their trip, taking up a seat on the plane or impairing one’s ability to disconnect. If we know we are allotted time off, why is it so difficult to settle in and enjoy it?
The Productivity Trap
Many people internalize their worth as being tied to output, often possessing the mindset of, “If I’m not working, I’m falling behind.” This results in work begetting more work, creating an endless cycle of drive for productivity and feelings of inferiority when unable to meet impossibly set demands. Essentially, more work and less fulfillment, thus, the “trap.” In regard to vacation, time off starts to feel like time wasted.
Scarcity Mindset
Some people hold the belief that there is never enough of something important - time, money, opportunities, productivity, etc. This avoidance of loss becomes more important than enjoying balance or focusing on mental wellbeing. This often shows up in behaviors such as saving up PTO hours to then never use, compulsively checking work emails when off the clock, and fears that coworkers will outperform the individual if/when away from their job. Vacation isn’t restoration; it becomes a threat. Because of this, short-term output is prioritized over long-term health, resulting in time off feeling like a loss of momentum rather than an investment in energy.
Control and Anxiety
Other individuals struggle with loss of control. The work environment is typically routine and consistent; we know what to expect. Vacation introduces uncertainty, which can trigger discomfort. Even though the trip may be loaded with planned excursions or R&R time on the beach, logistical planning and stress with travel can overshadow excitement about having time off. This can lead to perseverations that distract us and impair our ability to stay present.
Let’s Normalize It
The fact of the matter is that a lot of people have difficulty “switching off” mentally on vacation, so restlessness in the first few days of a trip is understandable. This is not a personal failure, but rather a normal nervous system response. Slowing down can feel unsafe for a dysregulated nervous system, especially one that is so accustomed to the “go-go-go” work mentality. The body is used to being on alert, so rest can feel abnormal, signaling to it that something is wrong.
In reality, rest is crucial for regulation. The human nervous system is not designed to stay in a prolonged state of activation. We are equipped with two components of our nervous system: the sympathetic nervous system (“fight, flight, freeze”), and the parasympathetic nervous system (“rest, digest, recover.”) Both systems work together to create homeostasis in the brain and body, which is crucial since the nervous system affects almost everything, including emotional stability, memory and learning, immune system functionality, cardiovascular health, and rational decision-making.
The thought that rest is “lazy” or unproductive is simply untrue. In fact, rest often improves productivity because a regulated nervous system supports better executive functioning, rational perceptions of reality, and sustained focus. Accepting this fact can help reframe thoughts from, “I need to earn rest as a reward,” to, “I am entitled to rest because it is a basic need.”
How to Vacate Work on Vacation
Start Small: Practice taking “micro”-breaks before leaving for your trip. This might look like setting a timer for brief 5-minute breaks during the work day to engage in a skill to regulate your nervous system (i.e. deep breathing, light stretching), or committing to weekends being for self-care and not physical productivity.
Set Boundaries: Inform your coworkers, clients, etc. that you will be out of the office and unavailable by setting your email to a vacation auto response, or setting up your voicemail to notify those calling of your expected return. If you’re unable to fully unplug, set your phone on Do Not Disturb during moments of your trip that require your full engagement, and establish parameters around when and for how long you will work.
Create Structure: Having light plans can help alleviate the feeling that time is being wasted, even if the “plan” is to nap on a hammock or to sit by the fire. Being able to complete set tasks, no matter how tame they may be, can increase feelings of productivity.
Remember, rest is not the opposite of responsibility. It is part of being a sustainable, healthy human. A nervous system that never gets a chance to recover eventually stops functioning well, no matter how disciplined or committed someone is. Taking time off is not an act of indulgence, but rather an act of maintenance. The goal is not to earn rest only after reaching a point of exhaustion, but to recognize that rest is essential to performing well to begin with. Learning to step away from work without guilt and utilize time to restore and recover is one of the healthiest investments we can make. Take that time off and enjoy it - it’s a necessity, not a reward.
Please reach out to Lotus Therapy Group if you or someone you love is struggling. We will tailor a treatment plan specifically designed for you! Contact us at Lotus Therapy Group, 708-552-7330 or email us at lotustherapygroup@gmail.com.
