How EMDR Therapy Works: A Real Example by Kendra DeFrank, MA, LCPC


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In order to be trained in EMDR, a therapist has to go through EMDR treatment themselves. I often share my own experience with EMDR to help clients understand the process and how beneficial EMDR treatment really is. Before I get to sharing the fun stuff, let me explain some basics. When we go through a difficult experience, that experience is actually stored in our midbrain in the form of images, feelings, thoughts, and physical sensations. During EMDR therapy, the therapist guides the client in bilateral eye movements to get to the midbrain. Doing so allows the client to re-experience the difficult situation as it was stored during the time of the event. You might be asking “Why would anybody want to re-experience a difficult or traumatic situation?”. Well, during trauma our brain processes and stores information incorrectly because the processes that normally sort information are overwhelmed. So, re-experiencing an event allows us to see how a difficult situation was stored and then change that maladaptive information. Let me get into my experience to give you a better understanding. 


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Eleven years ago my Mother-in-Law was dying from throat cancer. I know some people don’t luck out in the Mother-in-Law department, but let me tell you I sure did. She was amazing! We were at the hospital with her and the doctor told us that she probably would not make it through the night. Family and friends came to say their goodbyes and before we knew it her room was filled with those closest to her. Prior to EMDR, the way I recalled this night is as follows: I remember everyone standing quietly in her room and my sister-in-law who was standing to the left of me went up to her bedside and whispered her goodbyes into my Mother-in-Law’s ear. As she came back and took her place, I immediately thought it was my turn to say goodbye as I am the only other daughter-in-law. I walked up to her bedside, put my head to her ear, and said NOTHING. I became very aware that I was being watched by others in the room so I kept my head there for a minute or two and then walked back to my spot. It is important to note that my Mother-in-Law was fully conscious at this moment, she just couldn’t speak due to the cancer. I made eye contact with her after taking my spot and she gave me a look of confusion. I was mortified internally. I felt so much shame that “I pretended” to say goodbye.


Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed.


I felt flawed in that moment. I thought “who does that” and I definitely wasn’t about to tell anyone. That’s how shame works, it doesn’t want us to share our stories because then our flaws would be exposed. If I went to a traditional therapist, he/she would most likely use some type of cognitive approach to challenge my thinking. I might have even heard “I’m sure she knew you loved her”. Hearing that may have helped a little, but I don’t believe that it would have truly helped me heal that shame the way EMDR did. My experience receiving EMDR was a game changer. 

My EMDR session took place in a conference room amongst other therapists who were also being trained in EMDR. After every set of eye movements, the therapist asked me to give her feedback on what I was noticing while being back in the memory. It started off with me noticing the hospital room, where others were at in it, the darkness of the night through the windows, and the stillness of grief around me. I noticed my sister-in-law saying her goodbyes. After another set of eye movements, I noticed this foggy, cloudy sensation taking over the right side of my head. I believed at that moment that maybe I was just overwhelmed being in this large conference room with all of these people. So, at that moment I said “My head feels foggy, I think I need to stop”. The therapist said, just notice that sensation as we did another set of eye movements. Then it hit me, that was the exact sensation I felt in my brain as I took my first step towards her bedside. This foggy sensation was so strong that if someone were to ask me to form a sentence let alone a goodbye I could not have done it. To feel what my brain felt like in this moment was what I needed to truly let go of my guilt. There was no way I could have said goodbye with my brain feeling as overwhelmed as it did. I was not sitting on a couch with a therapist telling me “Oh maybe you were overwhelmed”. I was feeling this for myself and feeling this sensation in my brain creating a deep knowing that saying goodbye was not possible in that moment. I went home that evening and to freshen up on my understanding, I googled “What does the right side of the brain do?” The right side of the brain deals more with emotion compared to the left side. It became even more clear to me that I was feeling all of this pressure and fogginess only on the right side because I was overwhelmed emotionally. It was like being in a fog and the ability to speak was impaired (a left brain function). This past experience doesn’t bother me at all anymore (I guess this is why I can write about it publicly). I went from storing this memory as “who fakes a goodbye” entangled in shame to “I couldn’t have said goodbye in that moment” and “It wasn’t my time” and the feeling of shame has totally lifted. 

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EMDR has become one of my favorite treatment modalities. I have seen countless clients who have given me similar feedback in regards to how powerful EMDR was for their healing. Clients who have experienced sexual abuse move from storing a memory as “It was my fault” or “I’m disgusting” to storing that same memory as “I’m strong” or “I’m not disgusting”. This is an example of a big T trauma (things such as sexual abuse, war, car accidents, the death of a loved one, a miscarriage, etc. tend to fall into this category). Most people recognize these things as trauma. However, there are so many little t traumas that people go through in their lives and do not fully recognize how they impact them. To learn more about big T and little t traumas and the impact they can have on an individual, please go to www.lotustherapygroup.com and read more under the trauma section of our website. If you have questions about EMDR, please feel free to reach out to our office. 

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Ride the Wave of Your Emotions by Samantha Maciaga, MA, LCPC