What Your Therapist Wants You To Know by Briea Frestel LCSW, CADC
Over the past few years, there has been a rise in conversation about mental health and going to see a therapist. Being a therapist has always been a special pillar in my life that I have held safe and sacred. There is something extremely unique and special about the time spent with each of my clients, we hold a space together that is exclusively for the client to work through their traumas, troubles, and stressors. However special that might be, it can also be a scary, daunting first step to take when you choose to go to therapy for the first time. Not only are you opening up about experiences that have caused you great suffering, you’re also sharing it with a total stranger! I recognize this and will validate…. It’s weird! So, let’s humanize this experience by talking about some things that therapists wish our clients knew.
No matter what you tell us, we’ve probably heard something similar before.
A large barrier when going to therapy (or being honest in sessions) is the belief that you are alone and unique in your feelings. The blocking belief that nobody could understand or validate what you have gone through. There can be so much shame present in the human experience, when there doesn’t need to be! Understand that therapists are here to listen, validate, and guide. We are not here to judge, change, or control you. Notice the shame or fear that might be present when entering the new relationship and challenge yourself to trust your therapist that they have your back.
Your therapist believes in you and is there to challenge you.
I tell my clients to think of me as their biggest cheerleader. Whatever you believe you cannot do, your therapist thinks 10x higher of you. Although the client-therapist relationship is focused on bettering the life of the client, the therapist is not there to agree with you. That means a good therapist can understand and validate your emotions while also not agreeing with the behaviors, thought patterns, and habits that contribute to your suffering. Their job is to work with you to develop a repertoire of healthy coping skills and positive belief systems to build your meaningful life.
You may feel worse before you feel better.
Discussing buried feelings, past trauma, current triggers, and negative beliefs about yourself can bring up a lot of hard feelings that you may typically avoid throughout the day. If you are constantly feeling triggered in sessions, make that speakable to your therapist. That’s a sign you need to take it back a step and focus on mindfulness and coping skills. Take care of yourself by going slow in and out of sessions.
Your therapist is not perfect and does not have the answers for everything.
Therapists are not there to change or solve your problems. Although we are skilled and highly trained in the work we do, that does not mean we are skilled and highly trained in your life. You are the expert in your experience and it’s okay if it feels like your therapist gets it wrong sometimes. Respectfully talk about it in session with them, this can build up your own confidence and assertiveness skills.
Your therapist is honored to be a part of your life.
Your therapist learns things from you, too. Your therapist finds joy in seeing you take small steps towards your goals. Your therapist knows you can do hard things and deserves to live a life you’ve always wanted.
It’s important to note that this blog isn’t about all therapists or all clients. It’s important to find the right fit when starting the therapeutic work. Don’t be scared to take chances and try new things. Remember, you are just two humans working together to build a better life for yourself!
If you find yourself struggling, please reach out to Lotus Therapy Group at 708-552-7330.
