Bridging the Gap: Understanding and Connecting with Your Teen by Chrissy Hack, MSW, LCSW, PEL
Teenage years are a time of significant mental, physical, and emotional changes, which can present numerous challenges. Take a moment and think back to when you were a teen and the challenges you encountered. Now consider the added stressors of social media, constant digital accessibility, and over commitment - just to name a few. Moodiness and irritability, as well as a feeling of being misunderstood or not heard, often result from such changes. As a parent, it is crucial to recognize the importance of fostering a strong, open relationship for your teen’s emotional well-being.
A great way to begin communication with your teen is by meeting your teen where they are at. Using text, snapchat, and social media, for example, is a way to find common ground to connect with them. Initially, it may feel disconnected for you, but it is a good starting place to begin communication with them. Not all teens use these platforms; however, if your teen does, you can begin by understanding their preferred communication method and engage them there. This may help when you are first initiating connection and communication.
One of the most powerful ways to connect with your teenager is through active listening.
Listening to your teen through a lens of curiosity versus judgement can provide a safe space for your teen to talk freely.
Put away distractions, maintain eye contact, and show genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings. Have time devoted to your teen and minimize interruptions to show that you value their conversation. This may take practice, but the more you do it, the more comfortable it will become for both you and your teen.
In addition to being an active listener, it’s important to create an environment of openness and honesty. Sharing your own experiences and struggles, both positive and negative, lets them know you understand the challenges they face. It also models that you can be vulnerable, encouraging them to reciprocate that vulnerability. Being transparent will build trust and encourage your teen to feel safe with the challenges or emotions they may be experiencing.
Another valuable way to foster connection with your teen is to discover shared interests that you both can enjoy. It may be a TV show, hobby, or activity; finding common interests strengthens your bond and provides opportunities for quality time together. These shared experiences create a sense of connection and allows for a more natural way to communicate.
During the teenage years you can expect your child to begin to assert their independence. While it may be challenging for parents, respecting their need for autonomy is critical. Give them space to make decisions, express their opinions, and learn from their experiences. This demonstrates trust and helps them feel more comfortable sharing their lives with you.
While respecting your teen’s independence is important, it’s equally important to establish reasonable boundaries. Discuss these boundaries with empathy, explaining the purpose behind them. This collaborative approach not only helps them understand your perspective, but also offers them opportunities to feel more involved in the decision-making process.
Support your teen by pursuing their interests and passions. It may not be something you are particularly interested in, but it’s important to recognize that your teen is. This allows you to align yourself with things they value and show support because you care about your teen. Whether it's academics, sports, arts, or any other pursuit, show enthusiasm and involvement. This not only strengthens your connection but also boosts their self-esteem.
Life can be busy, and it’s easy to miss moments with our teens if we don’t make an intention to connect with them. Make a conscious effort to spend quality time with your teen. It may be a family dinner, a movie night, or a weekend outing; nothing is too big or too small. These shared moments create lasting memories and continue to encourage your connection. It’s surprising what you may learn about your teen if you allow yourself the space to truly connect. You may even develop a new appreciation for how much you enjoy them!
Connecting with your teenager requires patience, understanding, and a genuine commitment to building a strong relationship.
By actively listening, respecting their independence, finding common ground, and fostering open communication, you'll create a foundation for a healthy and enduring connection that will benefit you both in the years to come.
Author’s Note:
While it’s important to connect with your teen, it’s imperative that you serve as a key person in identifying if there is a bigger concern that needs to be addressed. Some things such as spending more time with friends or spending more alone time in their room can be developmentally appropriate for teens. However, if you notice indicators that your teen is struggling with their mental health, it is vital to ask them if they are ok and get mental health support if necessary. There may be underlying conditions that need the intervention of a mental health professional, such as Depression, Anxiety, or an Eating Disorder. If you notice extreme changes in behavior or mood, be direct and ask them how they are feeling emotionally. Be open to the information you receive and provide a safe space for your teen to be honest. Remain calm and manage your emotional response if the information is tough to hear. Suggest the involvement of a mental health provider if your teen voices concerns or if you observe signs indicating that they may be experiencing difficulties in their mental health or social/emotional well-being.
To learn more or connect with someone from our team please reach out to Lotus Therapy Group at 708-552-7330.
