Valentine’s Day, the Gottman Way: Small Moments, Strong Love by Samantha Maciaga, MA, LCPC
Love Beyond Grand Gestures: Building Connection That Lasts
The grand gestures of love can be amazing—special chocolate, beautiful flowers, sparkly jewelry, and fancy dinners. Many individuals have all of these (and more) on their minds this time of year as Valentine’s Day approaches.
While celebrating this holiday can be fun and meaningful for many couples, I want to talk about a more sustainable way to grow and strengthen your relationship—and it’s easier than you may think.
As a couples therapist, I practice from Gottman Theory, which offers evidence-based tools to help couples build healthy, connected relationships that can last a lifetime.
Connection Gets Lost in Busy Lives
I often meet with couples who are struggling with connection. Life is busy, and it can be difficult to make time for each other. Maybe it feels like you and your spouse or partner barely have time to say hello, let alone carve out intentional time to connect.
While connection can feel difficult in the midst of life’s busyness, it is not impossible. Let’s talk about some ideas.
One Simple Question That Changes Everything
First, if you are in a relationship, I want you to ask yourself every single day:
“What have I done for my relationship today?”
This question helps keep you self-aware and accountable, ensuring that your relationship remains a priority. And the answer does not need to involve a grand gesture. While those can be lovely, most days connection looks like:
Sending a “thinking of you” text
Grabbing their favorite coffee
Sharing a 20-second hug
Offering to help with a task
When these small efforts are done consistently (they don’t have to be perfect!), you and your partner are continually turning toward each other rather than turning against or drifting away from one another. Over time, this strengthens the bond of your relationship.
Without intentional connection, couples may experience loneliness, resentment, and communication breakdown.
Relationships Need Regular Care
Relationships need to be built and maintained. Don’t allow yours to fall low on your priority list. In life, what we water is what grows. When you put consistent love and effort into your relationship, it has space to strengthen and thrive.
Some simple yet effective ideas include creating a daily ritual with your significant other:
Going on a 20-minute walk together
Holding hands while watching your favorite show
Asking about the highlights of each other’s day
These moments may seem small, but their impact is powerful.
The Power of Gratitude and Appreciation
Gratitude and appreciation can dramatically improve the emotional climate of your relationship. The longer a couple is together, the more comfortable each person becomes. Comfort is a beautiful part of long-term relationships—but it can also lead to unintentionally overlooking one another.
You may stop thinking to say thank you for things like mowing the lawn or making dinner day after day. Over time, it can become easier to notice faults or flaws instead of what your partner is doing right.
I encourage you to “catch your partner doing something right.” While it’s important to address challenges, it’s just as important to notice and name the good. Building a culture of appreciation fosters positivity, safety, and connection.
Love Is a Practice
Remember: Valentine’s Day is one day—love is a practice.
And consistency matters.
If your relationship feels disconnected or strained, seeking support does not mean you’ve failed. It means you care, and that your relationship matters to you. Often, reaching out for couples therapy sooner rather than later can make all the difference.
If you’d like support or more information, contact Lotus Therapy Group at 708-552-7330 or email lotustherapygroup@gmail.com.
