Little “T” Trauma: Understand the Silent Traumas of Life and the Healing Journey by Briea Frestel, LCSW, CADC
When people hear the word trauma, they often picture extreme events—car accidents, natural disasters, or violent assaults. These are what mental health professionals often refer to as “Big T” trauma. But, trauma doesn’t only stem from catastrophic events. There’s another category called “Little T” trauma, and while it might not make the headlines, its impact on our emotional well-being can be profound and long-lasting.
What Is “Little T” Trauma?
“Little T” trauma refers to less obvious but still deeply distressing experiences. They might not threaten your physical safety, but they can shake your sense of stability, self-worth, and connection to others. Typically, “Little T” trauma is a relational trauma, meaning your emotional needs were not met by an individual who was supposed to attune to your needs, values, and safety. Examples include:
Chronic criticism in childhood
Emotional neglect
Bullying
Social media expectations
Breakups, job loss, or divorce
Repeated micro-aggressions or invalidation
Because these events are not always considered "serious" by others, those who experience them may feel confused, ashamed, or undeserving of support. But here’s the truth…
Trauma isn’t defined by the event itself—it’s defined by how it impacts you.
Trauma Looks Different for Everyone
One of the most important things to understand is that trauma doesn’t present the same way for everyone. Some people may relive experiences through flashbacks or nightmares. Others might feel anxious, depressed, or chronically fatigued without even realizing it's connected to trauma. It has been shown that “Little T” trauma impacts the brain the same way as “Big T” trauma. Since the effects are biologically the same, your brain is hard-wired to respond in a way to keep you “safe”. However, sometimes the way we subconsciously try to keep ourselves safe are often maladaptive and end up making us feel worse.
Here are some common ways trauma may show up:
Emotional numbing or disconnection
Irritability or anger outbursts
Negative body image or view of self
Physical symptoms like headaches or stomach pain
Trouble concentrating or remembering things
Avoiding people, places, or situations
Addiction to substances, food, chaotic relationships, etc.
You don’t need to have any “classic” signs for your experiences to be valid. Even subtle traumas, especially when repeated over time, can impact your nervous system, relationships, and sense of self. One major way trauma shows up is in how we relate to others. People who have experienced trauma—especially “Little T” trauma over time—may:
Struggle with intimacy or trust
Fear abandonment or rejection
Difficulty trusting others and/or people pleasing behaviors
Avoid conflict at all costs
Feel emotionally numb or disconnected from loved ones
Over time, this can leave people feeling isolated, misunderstood, and unsure why their relationships feel strained.
Why Do These Symptoms Happen?
“Little T” trauma can impact your core beliefs about yourself and the world.
For example:
Being constantly criticized as a child may lead to the belief, “I’m not good enough.”
Repeated rejection may create the thought, “I am unlovable.”
Growing up in a chaotic household might create the belief, “I am unsafe.”
These beliefs are shaped by your experiences and the meaning your brain assigns to them. They can affect how you approach life, relationships, and opportunities. They also can lead to developing incredibly unhealthy coping mechanisms like the symptoms mentioned above. It’s important to recognize that the symptoms you likely see as negative have actually helped you survive - either emotionally or literally. However, there comes a time where you can no longer take the suffering these belief systems and coping mechanisms have given you.
So here’s the good news: beliefs can be challenged and changed, especially with the right tools and support.
Healing from Trauma: DBT and EMDR
There are several effective therapies for healing trauma. Two evidence-based approaches are Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). As a trained clinician in both of these modalities, I have seen remarkable changes when pairing these two therapies together.
DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)
Originally developed for people with intense emotional struggles, DBT teaches skills to help regulate emotions, tolerate distress, and build better relationships. It can be especially helpful for trauma survivors who:
Experience emotional highs and lows
Feel overwhelmed by their reactions
Struggle with shame or self-judgment
DBT blends mindfulness, acceptance, and change-based strategies to help people create more stability in their lives. This helps an individual work on their strained relationships, negative sense of self, and poor coping behaviors that have been developed over time due to their trauma.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
EMDR is a unique therapy designed to help people process traumatic memories. It uses bilateral stimulation (like eye movements or tapping) to reduce the emotional intensity of past events. Over time, it helps your brain “reprocess” trauma so it no longer feels overwhelming in the present moment. This doesn’t necessarily mean it will take all your pain away, but it will help an individual change a negative belief system they have about themselves that has been created by a traumatic event, into a positive one. It can look like this:
“Im not good enough” can turn into “I am enough”
“I am unlovable” can turn into “I am loveable the way I am”
“I am unsafe” can turn into “I am safe now”
When some individuals with “Little T” trauma come to me for EMDR treatment, they initially are unfamiliar with what a “Little T” is. The question of: “Why does this bother me so much?” is the motivator here because “Little T” trauma is often so minimized and shamed. Shame quiets the ability to understand.
The Power of Attunement and Recognizing Shame
While therapy is powerful, healing also happens through attunement—being truly seen, heard, and understood by someone. Whether it’s a therapist, friend, or partner, attuned relationships help create safety where healing can occur.
Attunement helps dismantle shame—the deeply rooted feeling that “something is wrong with me.” Shame often grows in silence and secrecy, especially after “Little T” traumas that are minimized or dismissed.
When someone validates your experience and says, “That makes sense” or “You didn’t deserve that,” it interrupts the shame cycle. A lot of the time, the individuals I work with lack attunement in adulthood because of shame. If you are struggling with something that feels isolating, I recommend seeking therapy or a loved one and asking them for a listening ear.
Your Story Matters
Whether you’ve lived through “Big T” trauma or the more subtle, quieter “Little T” traumas, your experiences matter. They shape who you are, how you feel, and how you connect with others—but they don’t have to define your future. Understanding trauma isn’t about comparing pain or deciding what’s “serious enough”. It’s about honoring your story and giving yourself permission to heal.
To learn more or connect with someone from our team please reach out to Lotus Therapy Group at 708-552-7330 or email us at lotustherapygroup@gmail.com.
