The Greatest Gift: Self-Compassion During the Holidays by Chrissy Hack, MSW, LCSW, PEL
I’ll admit it—I love holiday movies. They often portray a season filled with joy, connection, celebration, and peace. True bliss! But in reality, for many people, the holidays can also bring pressure, comparison, and emotional exhaustion.
Have you ever felt like you’re supposed to be happy, yet underneath, you’re overwhelmed—emotionally and physically drained? If so, you’re not alone.
This year, what if you gave yourself permission to approach the season with self-compassion and grace, rather than criticism or harsh judgment?
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and care that you would offer to a close friend—especially when you’re struggling, stressed, or feeling inadequate. Instead of being self-critical, it’s about recognizing your humanity and meeting yourself with gentleness.
Common Holiday Stressors
The holiday season can bring out our inner critic. You may notice yourself facing some of these challenges:
Unrealistic expectations:
Feeling pressure to make everything “perfect”
Family dynamics:
Navigating difficult relationships or unresolved tension
Financial stress:
Worrying about expenses or gift-giving
Loneliness or grief:
Struggling during a time when you feel you “should” be happy
Burnout:
Feeling exhausted from social events, caretaking, or an overloaded schedule
Practicing Self-Compassion in the Moment
Take a moment to reflect on what tends to trigger stress or anxiety for you during the holidays. When those feelings arise, try responding with self-compassion.
Examples:
You feel overwhelmed planning a holiday event.
Self-compassionate response: “It’s okay to feel this way. The event doesn’t have to be perfect.”You feel lonely while others seem happy.
Self-compassionate response: “Others feel this way too. I’m not alone.”You reacted harshly toward someone.
Self-compassionate response: “I’m human and under stress. I can acknowledge this, apologize, and choose differently next time.”You can’t afford gifts.
Self-compassionate response: “My presence and love are enough. I’m doing my best.”
A Self-Compassion Break
Dr. Kristin Neff, author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, recommends taking a “self-compassion break” when you notice yourself struggling.
Acknowledge the moment:
“This is a moment of suffering.”
Recognize shared humanity:
“Others feel this way too.”
Offer kindness:
“May I be gentle with myself in this moment.”
Small Acts of Self-Kindness
Self-compassion can also be nurtured through small, intentional acts of care:
Write yourself a kind letter, offering the same support you’d give a dear friend.
Set healthy boundaries—be mindful of your time and energy, and be realistic about what you can commit to.
Create moments of peace: Take a quiet walk, sit by the fire, enjoy your favorite drink, or light a candle.
Be discerning with social media: Remember that “posted perfection” is not the full story. Avoid comparison.”
A Gentle Reminder…
Neither you nor your holiday celebrations need to be perfect—they just need to be real.
Your worth isn’t defined by how many gifts you give, how full your calendar is, or how smoothly things go.
This season, may you give yourself permission to let go of pressure and embrace presence.
May you meet yourself with compassion, not perfection.
Wishing you a peaceful and meaningful holiday season.
To learn more or connect with someone from our team please reach out to Lotus Therapy Group at 708-552-7330 or email us at lotustherapygroup@gmail.com.
